By Daniel Hayes
The number one question we are asked, is about simple living with kids: “Is it possible to simplify your life with kids?” Of course it is! Now we know not everyone has kids, but even if you don’t you probably have nephews or nieces, or friends with kids. So, the good news is that even if you don’t have kids yourself, you’ll probably be able to apply a lot of this to other relationships in your life.
Well first off, simple living with kids doesn’t have to be an oxymoron. Like simplifying the rest of your life, simple living with kids will take some planning, work, and positive change, but it will be well worth it. Read more…
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Note: Our new book Supermom vs Super Mom will be free on Amazon all day Friday, 21 March 2014 from midnight PST to midnight PST.
Topic: Simple Living With Kids
Well worth it, yes…but notice I didn’t say “well worth it in the end.” That’s because there really isn’t an end when it comes to simplicity…that’s why we call it a journey.
The “Stuff” Cycle:
Before we get into the different stages of our kids’ lives and how that effects simplicity, there’s something that needs to be addressed first. I call it the “Stuff Cycle”…for lack of a better term. If you don’t realize you operate in a stuff cycle before you have kids, you will as soon as you’re expecting. Here’s how it goes:
Perceived Need Phase:
- All the things advertisements tell you you need
- All the things you ‘think’ you need
- All the things everyone else ‘thinks’ you need and don’t hesitate to tell you
Acquire Phase:
- Purchase, gift, rent or borrow
Utilization Phase:
- You figure out what you really need and use
Replacement Phase
- You fill those needs with things that actually work
Edit Phase:
- You take action to get the things you don’t need, don’t use, and don’t work out of your life
Refine Phase:
- Continuously evaluate, acquire, replace or upgrade as necessary, edit as required.
Simplicity Issues at Different Stages of Our Kids’ Lives
Babies:
- Just making sure they are cared for requires so much (or we think it does)
- Amount of stuff required at home…but babies grow up so fast that it’s impossible to use every toy or clothing item
- Amount of stuff required on the road
- Time and attention required
Toddlers:
- First steps of independence
- Just trying to stay ahead or just keep up parents feel they need to buy every learning gadget or tool so they are ahead when they start kindergarten
Kids:
- Starting to understand commercials and get a taste for consumerism and wanting more
- Brand name toys
- Brand name clothes
- Even exposure to peer pressure
Teens:
- Consumerism: clothing, gadgets, food
- More time commitments with extracurricular activity, work, etc.
- As parents now it’s crunch time to teach them the life skills to be successful adults.
Adults:
- Are you responsible or do you hang on to your grown kids’ “stuff” as they start their adult life?
- Do they feel “entitled” to things beyond their income?
- What’s your comfort level or threshold for monetary support?
Ways to Keep Simple Living With Kids, Simple!
- Toys and Gifts
- Family members go overboard (time for a talk)
- Birthday parties (manage expectations)
- Holidays (manage expectations)
- Boundaries
- Not every room is the play room (CELF study, Episode 14)
- Don’t buy more storage for more toys…edit the old to make room for the new…create a boundaries or limit of how many toys your kids can have
- Limit screen time
- Personal chores (clean up after self)
- Family chores (team building, contributing)
- Routines and Rituals are key to simple living with kids
- They make kids comfortable and let them know what’s expected of them
- We’re creatures of habit…good or bad
- Morning
- After school routines
- Snack
- Homework
- Dinner clean up and declutter
- Holidays
- Again, managing expectations of your kids and relatives
- Edit before big gift-giving events
- Having constant communication with your kids
- Reinforcing ideas
- Talk about your values regularly
- Try to instill valuing experiences over things
- Set the example:
- Pick up after yourself
- Limit your own TV and Internet exposure
- Play with your kids
- Read to them
- Give away and donate things (bring your kids along)
- Stick to your guns on your rules, boundaries and routines. You’ve got to use them and hold everyone including yourself accountable
- Reinforcing ideas
Major Takeaway
Yes, kids provide their own unique spin on simplicity, but just like us it has a lot to do with how you establish norms in your home, how you manage expectations, the example you set, the boundaries you establish, and how effective you are at using the Laws of Learning (Vanessa covered the laws in Episode 13 in the segment called First Steps on the Road to Simplicity). Just like simplifying the rest of your life, simple living with kids will take lots of planning, work, and positive change. But it will be well worth it for you and serve them well in their life too.
Question:
So, how do you simplify life with your kids? What tips or techniques do you use that could help the rest of us? We’d love to know.
Be sure to leave a comment below.
Thing Segment
Vanessa: Attending the Minimalists meetup, and seeing our friend, SLT listener and Edit & Forget It member Robin. My main takeaway from Ryan and Joshua was that minimalism looks different for all of us. I also like their take on what they allow or edit in their lives; basically they don’t keep anything that doesn’t add value to their lives (kind of like our “use it, need it, love it” questions we ask when deciding what to edit from our lives).
Dan: The new Add-Ons function in Google Docs. Provides additional functionality right inside Google Documents and Spreadsheets. In your Drive menu bar you’ll notice a new menu option title Add-ons. Click Get Add-ons and explore…you can do mail merge, Avery labels, bibliographies, etc…FREE. For more on Google Docs, check out out our tutorial.
Qs and Comments
Kerry emailed us his story…
Dan and Vanessa,
I couldn’t decide whether to write and tell you how much I appreciate your podcast or to share a little bit of my cluttered story… so I will do both.
I am an Air Force officer, having served for 13 years so far. While I haven’t moved around as much as you did in your careers, moving forced me to take stock of what I owned and what owned me. I grew up with a lot. My dad was a successful doctor and business owner. When I say we had a lot, that might be understating. Christmas morning was like walking into a Toys R Us. While I certainly appreciated the fact that I was lucky, I never took it for granted and shared a lot with my big family that didn’t have as much.
It wasn’t until I joined the Air Force and got married that I began to considered how “stuff” made me feel. I realized that I had hoarding tendencies (from my mother) and a desire to simplify (probably from my dad). From the perspective of having moved away, I realized that my Mom was a hoarder with means. That is, she could afford to keep everything. We had multiple vacation homes and each one had a basement or attic packed full. In addition, she had three 20
SLT061: Simple Living With Kids
When it comes to simple living, or making any changes in life, there always seems to be plenty of experts around telling you what you should do, and how you should do it. Looking to get in shape? You can find an endless supply of “experts”…many of which will directly contradict each other…that are ready with their magic formula to help you. All you have to do is buy their equipment, take their magic pill, or follow their magic advice.
But what it all boils down to in the real world is developing a simple plan that is right for YOU, and then kicking things into gear! When it comes to simple living or simplifying certain areas of your life, there are some things that have worked for us and that you can use to start making strides in areas of your life that you want to simplify. Read more…
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Note: Our new book Supermom vs Super Mom is digital and will help you eliminate clutter in your life, too!
Topic: Five Steps to Simple Living
We’re just going to offer 5 ways to help you simplify your life…at your own pace.
Okay, first… Take an objective look at where you are.
Once you look at where you are now, you can figure out where you want to be and start working in that direction.
Number two…start with one area of your life.
Simple living has so many different facets. But what’s one area you want to fix? Is it your physical clutter, time commitments and obligations, finances, your professional life, personal life, health? What do you want to focus on? Pick one thing first, then edit what isn’t working and try to streamline ways to keep it simple…and keep it going. Here’s an example: a major area of frustration for me was our kitchen counter that became “The Clutter Zone”. The first thing we did was get rid of the junk, then Dan came up with the idea of making some cubbies in the columns next to where the clutter was collecting…and it worked great! That one change had such a huge impact on our physical space that it led to more and more opportunities to simplify. And that’s what we’re talking about for our third point…
Simple living will become addictive!
And once you start that one area, you’ll likely find you’re ready to expand your efforts and carry that momentum into simplifying other areas of your life. So as we just mentioned regarding those cubbies…that worked so well that the idea spread to other areas of the home to control and contain our clutter.
- Focusing on our finances was another area that we wanted to simplify. So we focused on selling (editing) our land which set us up to tackle other financial goals we had, and buy our teardrop trailer outright.
- Our Edit and Forget Challenge became a lifestyle and not just a one time event! The same thing can happen in other areas of your life, too, like health and fitness. Sometimes we try to do everything but quickly get burned out.
- The best thing to do is to keep it simple and work on one thing at a time. Here’s an example: For us, the idea of doing a 60 day juice fast sounded great, but it just wasn’t realistic for us. Instead we chose to make it part of our weekly diet plan…slowly incorporating it at least 3-4 times/week. By doing that…it has become a regular part of our life…something we’ve been able to sustain for over two years. And we became addicted to how good it made us feel which led us to look into other way to improve or expand our healthy eating goals. Juicing led to eating more raw foods… and eating smaller portions…and now smoothies. Matter of fact, we’ll have Farnoosh Brock back again on the next show to talk about that! You see, when you start small or with one thing at a time, it’s much easier to implement it, sustain it, and spread to other areas of your life. So have a rough plan…a punch list, if you will, of areas you want to simplify. That way, you can concentrate your efforts and capitalize on your efficiencies.
And the fourth thing is that by doing this, you can Go At Your Own Pace.
You’ll know what pace is right for you and when it’s time to stretch a bit or ease up. Find people, books, podcasts or blogs that help guide and support. But don’t fall for the “gurus or experts” who pretend to have some secret formula or easy solution. They sound great, but they don’t know you. You know you. Follow what feels right to you. And as we mentioned before, be prepared for some friendly “critiquing” along the way from others who just don’t get it…YET. We talk about that pretty in-depth in Episodes 13 about escaping cubicle life and in Episode 55, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Simplicity.
So for a quick recap, we had 1- Take an objective look at where you are, 2- Start With One Area of Your Life, 3- Know That Simple Living Will Become Addictive, and 4- Go At Your Own Pace.
Now, the 5th and final step is… Take action!
Get started and tweak things as you go! Try personal simplicity challenges, like our Edit & Forget It Challenge, Project 333, and others. Measure your progress against your own yardstick and try to stick to your objectives. Of course, it always helps to have a very well developed plan, but to paraphrase von Moltke, “No battle plan survives first contact with the enemy.” So, armed with your motivation to simplify and your rough plan from Step 2, get started and be prepared to tweak things along the way. That way you can always stay on the offensive and have the agility to change course when you need to, but still work toward your objective. There are lots of sayings in the military that follow this advice, such as “improvise, adapt and overcome,” and “Flexibility is the key to Airpower.” So, as you take action, remember it’s better to follow your overall objectives than it is to follow a rigid plan. So there you go…5 Steps to Simple Living at Your Own Pace.
Major Takeaway
So the major takeaway here is this: Remember, no matter what area of your life you’re trying to improve, there is help out there. But don’t fall for the “gurus or experts” who pretend to have some secret formula. They don’t know you like You know you. Follow what feels right to you. Figure out where you are now, where you want to be, make a plan, take action and tweak along the way. That’s it. If that sounds vaguely familiar, that’s because it’s about the same thing as the OODA loop we talked about WAY BACK in Episode 16, Making Decisions Like a Fighter Pilot.
Question:
So, have you ever found yourself frustrated with the advice of so called gurus or experts? Or do you take advice with a grain of salt and adapt a little here and there to fit your needs? Do you have any tips or advice on ways you’ve been able to reach your simplicity goals and stay on track? We’d love to know.
Be sure to leave a comment below.
Thing Segment
Dan just reviewed a terrific Evernote guide titled “How to Automate Evernote, Save Boat Loads of Time And Make Your Life Easier“. It’s a 76-page ebook on how to automate Evernote with some cool programs he’s talked about before such as If This Than That, Gmail, and others. Kosio, the author, sent Dan a copy and it has some pretty interesting tactics that’ll save you lots of time. You can find it at SimpleLifeTogether.com/automate. It goes great with Brett Kelly’s “Evernote Essentials“, another terrific book to help you make the most of Evernote. You can get that at SimpleLifeTogether.com/essentials.
Qs and Comments, iTunes Reviews
And we got a nice voicemail from Genevieve Parker Hill from PackingLust.com on our Speakpipe app on the website.
iTunes Reviews:
Candabar: The best simple living podcast out there!!! If you are looking for a way to cut down and live a more simple and meaningful life, look no further! This podcast is perfect for that and it has really helped me. Don’t bother with any other simple living podcast!!!
Mopjunkie: The two of you are a great inspiration. I found you recently on James Kinson’s Cash Car Convert. I’m in!!! I had to come to the realization that I had too much stuff! We’ve already started the reduction phase and also just signed up for your edit and forget it. The two of you are entertaining yet informative! I listen during my 30 minute commute and your segments are just the right size, begin in the morning and finish in the afternoon. Look forward to the drive, yet know I will soon be caught up soon as I listen to a different session each day. Love your shedquarters!!! And keep up the good work!
James Sandercock (Canada): Real life, real hosts, real help. Vanessa and Dan bring well focused, good humoured, and encouraging words of advice into my home each time I listen (and re-listen) to their podcast. They are not syrupy sweet silver lining know it alls. Instead they are sweetly helpful, dig for the silver, know some…and share some type people. They follow a great structure with a lot of fun and loving banter between the two of them. I have subscribed and look forward to each episode. Sincerely, a mum in the toy filled trenches with four manic munchkins!
Announcements:
Our Big Announcement!
- We’ll be doing the show every other week, versus weekly, to keep things “fresh”.
- Plus, we want to pursue even more things, too. Here are a few:
- You’ve heard us talk about our teardrop trailer. Well, we have wanted to do a podcast about our teardrop camping adventures but haven’t been able to find the time.
- We also want to do some more writing, short-form videos, etc.
- Dan is also considering taking some classes so that will take a time commitment.
- We have lots of travel planned for the summer and want to document that for Teardrop Talk.
- And…just to keep you on your toes…we’re going to switch back to Thursdays for our typical podcast release days, too!
- Matter of fact, we’ll be producing more content than ever…just spread more evenly across how we live our simple life together.
- Just to give you a little more insight into our plan, instead of doing a completely separate website for our new Teardrop Talk podcast and videos, we’re going to start out by just doing a separate tab right on SimpleLifeTogether.com. We may have to switch that down the road. We’ll let you know when that goes live and, of course, we’d love to have you follow along there, too.
- We’re hoping that we’ll be able to bring some of our Teardrop Talk listeners over to the simplicity side, and lead some of our simplicity lovers over to teardropping, too!
Our Next Big Announcement
- We have a Simple Life Together Facebook page and forum. Yeah…some of you are saying “FINALLY!”
- Now, admittedly, we’re not the biggest fans of Facebook, but it seems to be where most people are.
- We’ve had the private Edit and Forget It page on Facebook for over a year and it’s become a wealth of information and and a great resource for everyone there. We’re hoping the open Facebook page for Simple Life Together will grow to be the same.
- We’ve installed a forum app there too so we can categorize things by topic. That should help a lot!
- We haven’t started seeding topics there yet but it is an open page and open forum so feel free to start setting up topics too!
- So, we look forward to seeing you on our open Simple Life Together Facebook page
- We’re building the new Simple Life Together page on Vanessa’s previous GetSimplifized page. So, while the URL has already changed to Facebook.com/SimpleLifeTogether, it’s not changed in the Facebook search yet. It still shows up as GetSimplifized.
- FYI, Facebook told me they have a 14-day waiting period for page name changes, so it should change on the 21st of April.
- We have a Simple Life Together Facebook page and forum. Yeah…some of you are saying “FINALLY!”
SimpleRev Tickets:
- Early Bird tickets are now available for SimpleRev! Only 50 tickets will be offered at the Early Bird pricing so make sure you lock yours in today.
- SimpleRev is being held on Oct 3-4, 2014, in beautiful downtown Minneapolis on the University of St Thomas campus. To get your tickets at the lowest price that will ever be offered, just go to SimpleRev.com/tickets. I’ll also put a link in the shownote to the SimpleRev podcast in iTunes, as well. Or just search iTunes for SimpleRev, all one word.
Project 333
- Don’t forget if you have questions or just want to learn more about Project 333 or Courtney Carver’s Dress With Less microcourse. You can learn more about that at SimpleLifeTogether.com/dress.
Edit & Forget It Challenge
- Finally, sign up for the Edit & Forget It Challenge! If you’re already on our Edit & Forget It Challenge email list, that’s great. If not, you can sign up here.
Shownotes:
You can download a PDF of our show prep, too.
Resources and Links:
- You can help support SimpleLifeTogether.com by using our Amazon Affiliate Link for any purchases you must make. Thanks!
- Dress With Less
- Evernote Essentials
- Automate Evernote
- SimpleRev Tickets
- Supermom vs Super Mom
- PackingLust.com
Photo Credit: Yours Truly
SLT063: Five Steps to Simple Living
The number one question we are asked, is about simple living with kids: “Is it possible to simplify your life with kids?” Of course it is! Now we know not everyone has kids, but even if you don’t you probably have nephews or nieces, or friends with kids. So, the good news is that even if you don’t have kids yourself, you’ll probably be able to apply a lot of this to other relationships in your life.
Well first off, simple living with kids doesn’t have to be an oxymoron. Like simplifying the rest of your life, simple living with kids will take some planning, work, and positive change, but it will be well worth it. Read more…
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Note: Our new book Supermom vs Super Mom will be free on Amazon all day Friday, 21 March 2014 from midnight PST to midnight PST.
Topic: Simple Living With Kids
Well worth it, yes…but notice I didn’t say “well worth it in the end.” That’s because there really isn’t an end when it comes to simplicity…that’s why we call it a journey.
The “Stuff” Cycle:
Before we get into the different stages of our kids’ lives and how that effects simplicity, there’s something that needs to be addressed first. I call it the “Stuff Cycle”…for lack of a better term. If you don’t realize you operate in a stuff cycle before you have kids, you will as soon as you’re expecting. Here’s how it goes:
Perceived Need Phase:
- All the things advertisements tell you you need
- All the things you ‘think’ you need
- All the things everyone else ‘thinks’ you need and don’t hesitate to tell you
Acquire Phase:
- Purchase, gift, rent or borrow
Utilization Phase:
- You figure out what you really need and use
Replacement Phase
- You fill those needs with things that actually work
Edit Phase:
- You take action to get the things you don’t need, don’t use, and don’t work out of your life
Refine Phase:
- Continuously evaluate, acquire, replace or upgrade as necessary, edit as required.
Simplicity Issues at Different Stages of Our Kids’ Lives
Babies:
- Just making sure they are cared for requires so much (or we think it does)
- Amount of stuff required at home…but babies grow up so fast that it’s impossible to use every toy or clothing item
- Amount of stuff required on the road
- Time and attention required
Toddlers:
- First steps of independence
- Just trying to stay ahead or just keep up parents feel they need to buy every learning gadget or tool so they are ahead when they start kindergarten
Kids:
- Starting to understand commercials and get a taste for consumerism and wanting more
- Brand name toys
- Brand name clothes
- Even exposure to peer pressure
Teens:
- Consumerism: clothing, gadgets, food
- More time commitments with extracurricular activity, work, etc.
- As parents now it’s crunch time to teach them the life skills to be successful adults.
Adults:
- Are you responsible or do you hang on to your grown kids’ “stuff” as they start their adult life?
- Do they feel “entitled” to things beyond their income?
- What’s your comfort level or threshold for monetary support?
Ways to Keep Simple Living With Kids, Simple!
- Toys and Gifts
- Family members go overboard (time for a talk)
- Birthday parties (manage expectations)
- Holidays (manage expectations)
- Boundaries
- Not every room is the play room (CELF study, Episode 14)
- Don’t buy more storage for more toys…edit the old to make room for the new…create a boundaries or limit of how many toys your kids can have
- Limit screen time
- Personal chores (clean up after self)
- Family chores (team building, contributing)
- Routines and Rituals are key to simple living with kids
- They make kids comfortable and let them know what’s expected of them
- We’re creatures of habit…good or bad
- Morning
- After school routines
- Snack
- Homework
- Dinner clean up and declutter
- Holidays
- Again, managing expectations of your kids and relatives
- Edit before big gift-giving events
- Having constant communication with your kids
- Reinforcing ideas
- Talk about your values regularly
- Try to instill valuing experiences over things
- Set the example:
- Pick up after yourself
- Limit your own TV and Internet exposure
- Play with your kids
- Read to them
- Give away and donate things (bring your kids along)
- Stick to your guns on your rules, boundaries and routines. You’ve got to use them and hold everyone including yourself accountable
- Reinforcing ideas
Major Takeaway
Yes, kids provide their own unique spin on simplicity, but just like us it has a lot to do with how you establish norms in your home, how you manage expectations, the example you set, the boundaries you establish, and how effective you are at using the Laws of Learning (Vanessa covered the laws in Episode 13 in the segment called First Steps on the Road to Simplicity). Just like simplifying the rest of your life, simple living with kids will take lots of planning, work, and positive change. But it will be well worth it for you and serve them well in their life too.
Question:
So, how do you simplify life with your kids? What tips or techniques do you use that could help the rest of us? We’d love to know.
Be sure to leave a comment below.
Thing Segment
Vanessa: Attending the Minimalists meetup, and seeing our friend, SLT listener and Edit & Forget It member Robin. My main takeaway from Ryan and Joshua was that minimalism looks different for all of us. I also like their take on what they allow or edit in their lives; basically they don’t keep anything that doesn’t add value to their lives (kind of like our “use it, need it, love it” questions we ask when deciding what to edit from our lives).
Dan: The new Add-Ons function in Google Docs. Provides additional functionality right inside Google Documents and Spreadsheets. In your Drive menu bar you’ll notice a new menu option title Add-ons. Click Get Add-ons and explore…you can do mail merge, Avery labels, bibliographies, etc…FREE. For more on Google Docs, check out out our tutorial.
Qs and Comments
Kerry emailed us his story…
Dan and Vanessa,
I couldn’t decide whether to write and tell you how much I appreciate your podcast or to share a little bit of my cluttered story… so I will do both.
I am an Air Force officer, having served for 13 years so far. While I haven’t moved around as much as you did in your careers, moving forced me to take stock of what I owned and what owned me. I grew up with a lot. My dad was a successful doctor and business owner. When I say we had a lot, that might be understating. Christmas morning was like walking into a Toys R Us. While I certainly appreciated the fact that I was lucky, I never took it for granted and shared a lot with my big family that didn’t have as much.
It wasn’t until I joined the Air Force and got married that I began to considered how “stuff” made me feel. I realized that I had hoarding tendencies (from my mother) and a desire to simplify (probably from my dad). From the perspective of having moved away, I realized that my Mom was a hoarder with means. That is, she could afford to keep everything. We had multiple vacation homes and each one had a basement or attic packed full. In addition, she had three 20×40' storage units, all neatly organized but full! My parents divorced around the time I finished college and joined the AF and my mom continued to spend, collect and store. As a few examples, we had every Dept 56 Christmas Village, Halloween Village, Snow Baby, etc ever made. She also framed EVERYTHING! And you don’t throw away framed things so she now has, in storage, somewhere between 500 and 1000 framed prints.
The longer I was away from home, the more uncomfortable I was going home. While everything in my mother’s home is nice and clean, it’s everywhere. I realized she had a problem when I went home for my sister’s funeral and actually couldn’t set a drink down because every horizontal surface is covered. In the past few years, she has spent and collected herself into near bankruptcy and I still can’t get through to her. But… I started my own journey of self-reflection and consideration. I began to realize that it felt good to divest myself of clutter. I am no where near where I hope to end up, but my awareness of “stuff” has been amazing. I was always a person who collected “just because”. I had 39 bottles of Marylin Merlot wines because people kept buying them and I didn’t know what to do with them. I had every knick knack from childhood stuffed into boxes all over. Most of this stuff (and lots more) is gone. But what I really wanted to do is share with others is that the family aspect can be really hard. My mom and lots of other family members attach so much meaning to stuff that it comes between relationships often. When she visits me and my family, she will load my kids up with toys from the Goodwill. I have asked her not to do this and specifically told her that it makes me stressed and unhappy. But the message isn’t received. When she finds out that I get rid of a lot of the things she buys she is upset. In my mind that means stuff is affecting our relationship.
As for my life, I am inspired by what you guys do and say. I connected with Dan’s story for a few reasons. I am very techie and a mac guy to boot. I am also into home improvement and woodworking. While you guys have your teardrop, I grew up flying hot air balloons (fourth generation pilot). So I own a balloon and that certainly comes with a lot of stuff. But I do my best to keep things simple. I drive a pickup because the balloon fits in the back, but that means I don’t have to own a separate vehicle. Ballooning is my passion and I really enjoy doing it with my family. But if it ever started detracting from life, I would give it up.
So, I have a long way to go, but I am enjoying it. My wife is naturally not a clutterer, but she isn’t sold yet on my journey. I choose to share the important lessons that make my life better. Maybe they will sink in. I learned a long time ago that I can’t force her to do anything she isn’t ready for. Thanks for what you do. I believe it works.
- Kerry
Announcements:
- Folks, we need some help over there on Amazon reviewing the book. Again, just go to SimpleLifeTogether.com/supermom to to review the book.As a special incentive, Supermom vs Super Mom will be available for free all day Friday, 21 March 2014 from midnight PST to midnight PST.
- I’m working with our friend Joel Zaslofsky of Value of Simple on the SimpleRev simplicity summit. SimpleRev will be 200+ passionate simple-living advocates. Joshua Becker of Becoming Minimalist will be there, too! To learn more, just go to SimpleRev.com or SimpleLifeTogether.com/rev.
- Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota
- Date: October 3-4, 2014
- Venue: University of St. Thomas Downtown Campus
- Joel put together a fantastic page on SimpleRev.com where you can find all your transportation options, lodging, what to do, how to get around…everything a conference attendee would like ask about the area at SimpleRev.com/allittakes.
- Special thanks to Chauddog, Turtletruth, and Robinvb1 for the reviews you left for us on iTunes. It really does help people find the show.
- If you’d like to leave a review, just go here on iTunes and click “View in iTunes”, launch iTunes, and then click “Write a Review.”
- Don’t forget if you have questions or just want to learn more about Project 333 or Courtney Carver’s Dress With Less microcourse. You can learn more about that at SimpleLifeTogether.com/dress.
Finally, sign up for the Edit & Forget It Challenge! If you’re already on our Edit & Forget It Challenge email list, that’s great. If not, you can sign up here.
Shownotes:
You can download a PDF of our show prep, too.
Resources and Links:
- You can help support SimpleLifeTogether.com by using our Amazon Affiliate Link for any purchases you must make. Thanks!
- Dress With Less
Photo Credit: Theo B
SLT061: Simple Living With Kids
The number one question we are asked, is about simple living with kids: “Is it possible to simplify your life with kids?” Of course it is! Now we know not everyone has kids, but even if you don’t you probably have nephews or nieces, or friends with kids. So, the good news is that even if you don’t have kids yourself, you’ll probably be able to apply a lot of this to other relationships in your life.
Well first off, simple living with kids doesn’t have to be an oxymoron. Like simplifying the rest of your life, simple living with kids will take some planning, work, and positive change, but it will be well worth it. Read more…
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Note: Our new book Supermom vs Super Mom will be free on Amazon all day Friday, 21 March 2014 from midnight PST to midnight PST.
Topic: Simple Living With Kids
Well worth it, yes…but notice I didn’t say “well worth it in the end.” That’s because there really isn’t an end when it comes to simplicity…that’s why we call it a journey.
The “Stuff” Cycle:
Before we get into the different stages of our kids’ lives and how that effects simplicity, there’s something that needs to be addressed first. I call it the “Stuff Cycle”…for lack of a better term. If you don’t realize you operate in a stuff cycle before you have kids, you will as soon as you’re expecting. Here’s how it goes:
Perceived Need Phase:
- All the things advertisements tell you you need
- All the things you ‘think’ you need
- All the things everyone else ‘thinks’ you need and don’t hesitate to tell you
Acquire Phase:
- Purchase, gift, rent or borrow
Utilization Phase:
- You figure out what you really need and use
Replacement Phase
- You fill those needs with things that actually work
Edit Phase:
- You take action to get the things you don’t need, don’t use, and don’t work out of your life
Refine Phase:
- Continuously evaluate, acquire, replace or upgrade as necessary, edit as required.
Simplicity Issues at Different Stages of Our Kids’ Lives
Babies:
- Just making sure they are cared for requires so much (or we think it does)
- Amount of stuff required at home…but babies grow up so fast that it’s impossible to use every toy or clothing item
- Amount of stuff required on the road
- Time and attention required
Toddlers:
- First steps of independence
- Just trying to stay ahead or just keep up parents feel they need to buy every learning gadget or tool so they are ahead when they start kindergarten
Kids:
- Starting to understand commercials and get a taste for consumerism and wanting more
- Brand name toys
- Brand name clothes
- Even exposure to peer pressure
Teens:
- Consumerism: clothing, gadgets, food
- More time commitments with extracurricular activity, work, etc.
- As parents now it’s crunch time to teach them the life skills to be successful adults.
Adults:
- Are you responsible or do you hang on to your grown kids’ “stuff” as they start their adult life?
- Do they feel “entitled” to things beyond their income?
- What’s your comfort level or threshold for monetary support?
Ways to Keep Simple Living With Kids, Simple!
- Toys and Gifts
- Family members go overboard (time for a talk)
- Birthday parties (manage expectations)
- Holidays (manage expectations)
- Boundaries
- Not every room is the play room (CELF study, Episode 14)
- Don’t buy more storage for more toys…edit the old to make room for the new…create a boundaries or limit of how many toys your kids can have
- Limit screen time
- Personal chores (clean up after self)
- Family chores (team building, contributing)
- Routines and Rituals are key to simple living with kids
- They make kids comfortable and let them know what’s expected of them
- We’re creatures of habit…good or bad
- Morning
- After school routines
- Snack
- Homework
- Dinner clean up and declutter
- Holidays
- Again, managing expectations of your kids and relatives
- Edit before big gift-giving events
- Having constant communication with your kids
- Reinforcing ideas
- Talk about your values regularly
- Try to instill valuing experiences over things
- Set the example:
- Pick up after yourself
- Limit your own TV and Internet exposure
- Play with your kids
- Read to them
- Give away and donate things (bring your kids along)
- Stick to your guns on your rules, boundaries and routines. You’ve got to use them and hold everyone including yourself accountable
- Reinforcing ideas
Major Takeaway
Yes, kids provide their own unique spin on simplicity, but just like us it has a lot to do with how you establish norms in your home, how you manage expectations, the example you set, the boundaries you establish, and how effective you are at using the Laws of Learning (Vanessa covered the laws in Episode 13 in the segment called First Steps on the Road to Simplicity). Just like simplifying the rest of your life, simple living with kids will take lots of planning, work, and positive change. But it will be well worth it for you and serve them well in their life too.
Question:
So, how do you simplify life with your kids? What tips or techniques do you use that could help the rest of us? We’d love to know.
Be sure to leave a comment below.
Thing Segment
Vanessa: Attending the Minimalists meetup, and seeing our friend, SLT listener and Edit & Forget It member Robin. My main takeaway from Ryan and Joshua was that minimalism looks different for all of us. I also like their take on what they allow or edit in their lives; basically they don’t keep anything that doesn’t add value to their lives (kind of like our “use it, need it, love it” questions we ask when deciding what to edit from our lives).
Dan: The new Add-Ons function in Google Docs. Provides additional functionality right inside Google Documents and Spreadsheets. In your Drive menu bar you’ll notice a new menu option title Add-ons. Click Get Add-ons and explore…you can do mail merge, Avery labels, bibliographies, etc…FREE. For more on Google Docs, check out out our tutorial.
Qs and Comments
Kerry emailed us his story…
Dan and Vanessa,
I couldn’t decide whether to write and tell you how much I appreciate your podcast or to share a little bit of my cluttered story… so I will do both.
I am an Air Force officer, having served for 13 years so far. While I haven’t moved around as much as you did in your careers, moving forced me to take stock of what I owned and what owned me. I grew up with a lot. My dad was a successful doctor and business owner. When I say we had a lot, that might be understating. Christmas morning was like walking into a Toys R Us. While I certainly appreciated the fact that I was lucky, I never took it for granted and shared a lot with my big family that didn’t have as much.
It wasn’t until I joined the Air Force and got married that I began to considered how “stuff” made me feel. I realized that I had hoarding tendencies (from my mother) and a desire to simplify (probably from my dad). From the perspective of having moved away, I realized that my Mom was a hoarder with means. That is, she could afford to keep everything. We had multiple vacation homes and each one had a basement or attic packed full. In addition, she had three 20×40' storage units, all neatly organized but full! My parents divorced around the time I finished college and joined the AF and my mom continued to spend, collect and store. As a few examples, we had every Dept 56 Christmas Village, Halloween Village, Snow Baby, etc ever made. She also framed EVERYTHING! And you don’t throw away framed things so she now has, in storage, somewhere between 500 and 1000 framed prints.
The longer I was away from home, the more uncomfortable I was going home. While everything in my mother’s home is nice and clean, it’s everywhere. I realized she had a problem when I went home for my sister’s funeral and actually couldn’t set a drink down because every horizontal surface is covered. In the past few years, she has spent and collected herself into near bankruptcy and I still can’t get through to her. But… I started my own journey of self-reflection and consideration. I began to realize that it felt good to divest myself of clutter. I am no where near where I hope to end up, but my awareness of “stuff” has been amazing. I was always a person who collected “just because”. I had 39 bottles of Marylin Merlot wines because people kept buying them and I didn’t know what to do with them. I had every knick knack from childhood stuffed into boxes all over. Most of this stuff (and lots more) is gone. But what I really wanted to do is share with others is that the family aspect can be really hard. My mom and lots of other family members attach so much meaning to stuff that it comes between relationships often. When she visits me and my family, she will load my kids up with toys from the Goodwill. I have asked her not to do this and specifically told her that it makes me stressed and unhappy. But the message isn’t received. When she finds out that I get rid of a lot of the things she buys she is upset. In my mind that means stuff is affecting our relationship.
As for my life, I am inspired by what you guys do and say. I connected with Dan’s story for a few reasons. I am very techie and a mac guy to boot. I am also into home improvement and woodworking. While you guys have your teardrop, I grew up flying hot air balloons (fourth generation pilot). So I own a balloon and that certainly comes with a lot of stuff. But I do my best to keep things simple. I drive a pickup because the balloon fits in the back, but that means I don’t have to own a separate vehicle. Ballooning is my passion and I really enjoy doing it with my family. But if it ever started detracting from life, I would give it up.
So, I have a long way to go, but I am enjoying it. My wife is naturally not a clutterer, but she isn’t sold yet on my journey. I choose to share the important lessons that make my life better. Maybe they will sink in. I learned a long time ago that I can’t force her to do anything she isn’t ready for. Thanks for what you do. I believe it works.
- Kerry
Announcements:
- Folks, we need some help over there on Amazon reviewing the book. Again, just go to SimpleLifeTogether.com/supermom to to review the book.As a special incentive, Supermom vs Super Mom will be available for free all day Friday, 21 March 2014 from midnight PST to midnight PST.
- I’m working with our friend Joel Zaslofsky of Value of Simple on the SimpleRev simplicity summit. SimpleRev will be 200+ passionate simple-living advocates. Joshua Becker of Becoming Minimalist will be there, too! To learn more, just go to SimpleRev.com or SimpleLifeTogether.com/rev.
- Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota
- Date: October 3-4, 2014
- Venue: University of St. Thomas Downtown Campus
- Joel put together a fantastic page on SimpleRev.com where you can find all your transportation options, lodging, what to do, how to get around…everything a conference attendee would like ask about the area at SimpleRev.com/allittakes.
- Special thanks to Chauddog, Turtletruth, and Robinvb1 for the reviews you left for us on iTunes. It really does help people find the show.
- If you’d like to leave a review, just go here on iTunes and click “View in iTunes”, launch iTunes, and then click “Write a Review.”
- Don’t forget if you have questions or just want to learn more about Project 333 or Courtney Carver’s Dress With Less microcourse. You can learn more about that at SimpleLifeTogether.com/dress.
Finally, sign up for the Edit & Forget It Challenge! If you’re already on our Edit & Forget It Challenge email list, that’s great. If not, you can sign up here.
Shownotes:
You can download a PDF of our show prep, too.
Resources and Links:
- You can help support SimpleLifeTogether.com by using our Amazon Affiliate Link for any purchases you must make. Thanks!
- Dress With Less
Photo Credit: Theo B
SLT061: Single, living with children
Last May we moved from a 2000 square foot home to a 750 square foot apartment. We started seriously thinking about downsizing after simplifying our lives and decluttering our home. Eventually we had too much space. Even though we’ve only been in our small space for 10 months, we’ve learned a few things.
1. Clutter attracts clutter. It’s easy to justify purchases and accumulate stuff. A little clutter attracts more clutter. When we first moved in to our small space, we dedicated a drawer in the kitchen to keep our keys and other things that didn’t have a place. Before long, we had a junk drawer filled with odds and ends. Now we hang our keys in the closet and try to find a place for things as they come in, instead of keeping them in a transitional space like a junk drawer.
2. Less is not nothing. We are living with much less than we had before, but we still have art on the walls and other things that we use and appreciate. The goal is not to live with nothing, but to live with things that have meaning and purpose. And that purpose may be to simply enjoy.
3. You don’t have to fill up all the space. We could have added shelves to the walls and closets or used the space on top of the kitchen cabinets to store or display stuff, but we didn’t need to.
4. Less indoor space provides more time to appreciate the outdoor space. Since we don’t have to clean much, organize, upgrade and fix stuff, we can appreciate the view of the church across the street, enjoy rooftop views, and take hikes overlooking the city.
5. When you need to buy things for your things, it’s time for fewer things. When we start talking about organizational bins or extra storage options, we know it’s time to get rid of stuff instead of accumulating more things to store it.
6. Clutter is more obvious. When you live in a sprawling space, clutter is easier to ignore. In a small space, clutter demands immediate attention.
7. It’s easier to live in the world when you live in a small space. With less to maintain and worry about, it’s easier to work from anywhere, and spend time outside or traveling.
8. The things that make a place feel like home aren’t things. I had some concerns about making a small apartment feel like home, but it isn’t the things on the walls or the countertop that make a place feel like home. It feels like home when I cook a familiar meal, listen to my favorite music, cuddle up with my dog, spend time with my husband and daughter, and when I write.
Small space living has given us the time and space to appreciate all of the things that make a house a home.
Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, please subscribe to Be More with Less and join me on Facebook. Check out courtneycarver.com for simple ideas for your life and business.
