The most important thing you need to know about completing your bucket list

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By Jessica

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Last year, I made a bucket list of some of the things I wanted to do in my life before I die. Usually, when I have an important goal to achieve, I would break down the goal – what do I have to accomplish by when? What do I have to do first in order to do second? Complex goals usually require complex planning.

However, I intentionally left my bucket list vague. Indeed, some of them are just one word long. Why? Because contrary to what it sounds like, the things on my bucket list are not goals.

what a bucket list really is

My bucket list tells the story of an adventure – my adventure. A good story isn’t about the destination, but the journey there. No matter where you go or what you do, it’s what you learn, and how you grow on the way that matters.

Travel is about discovering yourself. The phrase ‘finding yourself’ usually conjures up the image of a mountaintop or some other glamorous destination. However, you won’t find out who you are by wading through the Amazon or meditating in a Zen temple. Everything you need to discover about yourself is already within you.

Knowing this is liberating. It means that you can find meaning in your own backyard. You don’t have to get on a plane – just going for a walk around the block, or taking a train to the next town, can be an adventure in itself. You can learn a lot just by being more mindful of the surroundings you’re in right now, and taking a moment to be grateful for what you already have.

However, if it’s possible for you, visiting other countries can also be worth your while. Going outside of your comfort zone, whether it’s in the same country, or within another culture, can open mind, and widen your perspective on the different ways of thinking by different people. It can challenge your beliefs – which is a good thing – and make you stronger as a person.

Wherever you choose to go, remember that there is a difference between travelling for the sake of travelling and going somewhere to enjoy the journey itself. In other words, are you just trying to get to ‘X’, or do you care about the road there? When people create bucket lists, are they really only thinking about reaching a destination? Or are they thinking about the journey too?

The real question is, which one are you thinking about?

real travel is about the journey, not the destination

The Buddha’s story isn’t about reaching the goal of enlightenment itself, but about his pursuit of the rightful path

The concept is easier to understand when you look at the other things I have on my list. For example, ‘learn Japanese’ is so vague – how can one possibly know when they’ve ‘learned’ a language? The answer is that you can’t. I’m now living and working in Japan, and I could say that I’m fluent in Japanese, but I still haven’t crossed it off the list. I don’t think I’ll ever reach a place where I can say I’ve ‘completed’ this item, but that was never my intention. It was the process of learning that has given me so much. Because I’ve taken the time to learn a new language, a whole new world had opened up for me. I wouldn’t be where I am now if I hadn’t made the effort.

In the same way, I didn’t run a marathon for the medal. After all, it’s just a piece of metal. A medal and a free T-shirt is merely a representation of my hard work. It was all of those hours I spent running that mattered. By training for it, my body became healthier, I learned to eat better, and I built my mental and physical endurance. The actual marathon itself didn’t matter nearly as much as the sweat and tears I had shed in all the runs I did before it. The strength I gained didn’t just happen to me suddenly when I crossed the finish line, I collected it slowly, step by step, along the journey that I had already made.

So yes, you and I may never complete our bucket lists, but that’s okay. This is not an excuse. It’s not supposed to merely be a list of stuff to be ticked off one by one – it can be so much more than that.

Your bucket list should tell your story. How it goes is up to you.

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Source: MinimalStudent

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A blog post…mostly about me

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By Allison

When you write a blog, you know you’re obviously talking about yourself a bit more than someone who doesn’t blog. I mean…it’s weird when you think about it. This post felt specifically Allie-y. But I’m excited about some things and thought they’d be worth sharing:

• We just launched Liz’s new site this AM! Check it out. She’s giving away thousands of dollars worth of healthy-living-goodies and her book launched TODAY! It’s called Eat The Yolks. And it’s wonderful.
• In my last post, I told you about how I’m taking a trip to Vegas. Well I decided to prolong the trip for another four days and am heading to San Diego and then a resort in Carlsbad. Guess who I get to hang out with?
• I manage the social media accounts for Ecco Domani wines and we’re collaborating with some amazing bloggers this year. Follow along on Facebook.
• We, Death to the Stock Photo, hosted a party this past weekend and it was packed! We brought on Jared Mahone to perform and we were able to shoot a music-themed pack for March 1st. Oh and David snapped that photo of me. ^ Sign up if you haven’t yet.
• If you just started blogging or have been for awhile – you might be interested in our next venture. Our company, The Wonder Jam, will be launching an ongoing online class for those that want to hit certain goals, grow + even monetize their online space. Fill out the form here if you’re interested.

Okay that’s enough self-promotion for one post. I might gag if I continue on much longer. In exchange for all of that – tell me about things in your life! Projects, cool things at work, your dog did something awesome, you’re hooked on an iPhone game?

Tell me 5 things that are awesome in YOUR life right now.

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What to Think About During Exercise

By Leo Babauta

A reader wrote to me and said he gets bored during running, which makes him want to just stop running.

And so he asked for suggestions for what to think about while running or exercising in general.

Such a great question: if you’re bored, why would you want to do it? Why not read fun stuff on the Internet instead?

Well, other than the fantastic health benefits, exercise is a wonderful time to think, to practice mindfulness, to socialize, to escape distraction.

A little background about my qualifications: when I started running in 2005, I could barely run 5 minutes and was mostly sedentary until then. I slowly worked my way up to a 5K race, then decided (not quite wisely) to set my sights on a marathon. After a year, I ran my first marathon (after a couple of half marathons and numerous other races). I ran a couple marathons after that, a bunch of other races, including some short triathlons. Last year, I ran a 50-mile ultramarathon. Though all of that, I’ve spent countless hours running.

I’ve also spent a lot of hours strength training, doing Crossfit-style workouts, or other fun stuff.

I’ve spent a lot of time exercising. And I love it.

I don’t train with music. For me, it’s distracting and a waste of good thinking time.

I’ve listened to audiobooks on long (3+ hour) runs, but usually work out in silence.

Except when I’m training with a friend. Last year I did a lot of the longer runs with my friend Scott, and for about a year I’ve been training in the gym with my friend Tynan (when he’s in town — he travels like a gypsy). I’ve also worked out a lot with my wife Eva, and with my sister Kat when I was on Guam.

I love working out with a friend. It’s such a great way to enjoy exercise: have great conversations with someone you enjoy spending time with. Build a friendship while building fitness. So if I can ever find a workout partner, that’s my first choice.

I also love working out and running alone.

Here’s what I think about:

• Ideas: My best source of blog post ideas comes from when I run or work out. The movement seems to stimulate blood flow to the brain, and getting away from the distractions of technology allows me to reflect and think in isolation. I often have a bunch of great blog post ideas on a run. (Protip: Carry something to record ideas on, whether a notebook or smartphone. I’ve lost good ideas because I have nothing to write on. I came up with a method for remembering — I tie each idea to an image, so when I get home, I have a series of images in my head, like rubber duck, pencil, bell, apple. Then I just decipher these images into the ideas I wanted to remember.)
• Some problem that’s been bothering me: If something has been spinning around in my head, that’s a good sign that I should give it some conscious thought. Why is it bothering me so much? Usually it’s because I’m holding onto an expectation/ideal I can’t control, including how I want people to think of me. Then I practice letting that go.
• Body mindfulness: Exercise is great time to practice mindfulness. I like to stay present (when I remember) with my body, feeling each bodypart in turn (feet, lower legs, upper legs, buttocks, lower back, abdomen, etc.). Then I try to expand my awareness to include all of them at once.
• Mindfulness of thoughts: Other times I practice being an observer of my mind. It’s a fascinating phenomenon, your thoughts. Practicing watching my thoughts creates a space between thought and reaction.
• A project I’m working on: If I’ve been working hard on a project, I will give it some headspace during exercise, to allow myself to get some perspective on the project, see what’s important, work out some difficult problem with it that I’ve been putting off.
• Problems of people I love: If my kids or wife or close friend are having a problem, I’ll give some thought to that, and see if there’s a way I can help. I will try to feel empathy, to understand what they might be going through, and to see what would be helpful given their state of mind.
• Reflecting on things I’ve been learning: Often I’m conducting some kind of experiment in my life, and exercise is a great time to think about how that’s been going, what problems have come up, and what I’ve learned so far. These reflections often end up as blog posts.
• The nature around me, and the road below me: I love getting outside and immersing myself in the beauty of nature. It’s easy to miss it if you’re stuck in your head, or listening to music/audiobooks. I love running on trails, or running through a city filled with blooming blossoms, or exploring a new place with a run, or doing a workout in a park. I love running in the rain, or when the sun is falling on me like warm liquid, or feeling the chill of the early morning and thinking I’m a badass.
• The barbell: Lifting weights is hard, especially if you’re doing heavy deadlifts or squats. It’s easy to get lost in your thoughts when you work out, but that’s a good way to injure yourself with weights. So I try to be present with the barbell, watching my form and putting myself completely into lifting this heavy thing against the earth’s relentless pull.
• The nature of reality: This seems lofty and abstract, but sometimes I ponder the ego and whether it’s an illusion, whether we’re separate or all part of one ocean of existence, why we suffer and whether death is even something to fear. That’s usually when I trip and sprain an ankle.
• How lucky I am: Best of all, I think about the good things I have in my life, from family and friends to dear readers like all of you, from food and shelter to work I truly love, from Tolstoy, Fitzgerald and Cervantes to a body that allows me to move through a world so incredibly amazing I can’t believe how lucky I am to be alive.

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What your dreams reveal about your reality

I had a nightmare the other night. The kind that sticks with you for a while.

I dreamed my classmates and I had to give presentations—singing presentations in which every single person basically stood up on a stage and sang karaoke. (Your typical journalism school assignment, clearly.) I watched the others stand up one by one and sing their hearts out on the fluorescently lit stage, and with each final note, the group would applaud.

Then it was my turn.

I’d forgotten all about presentation day. I hadn’t practiced my song in weeks. (Isn’t that always how school anxiety dreams go?) But the music started and I began mumbling along with what was supposed to be a Kelly Clarkson song. (Not exactly my go-to karaoke singer in real life, but again, we’re dreaming here.) I’d forgotten some of the words, but I belted out the notes as best I could. I even started to get into it, though I couldn’t hear myself very well—for all I knew, I was out of tune. But the worst part was when the song ended and no one clapped. No one even looked up from their computers. It was dead silent.

My stomach quivered with the kind of humiliation I hadn’t felt in years. Several painful seconds went by as I placed the microphone back on the stand. Part of me felt shamefully invisible while the other part of me couldn’t be invisible enough. I almost let it go and walked off stage without acknowledging the awkward moment, but instead, I delivered a little hostile sarcasm to the crowd: ”Really? Not even a courtesy clap? Real nice.” Some people offered a couple of half-hearted claps. It only made me feel worse.

This dream haunted me all the next day. I’ve had plenty of awful school-related dreams, but this one felt particularly significant. Why? Because the only thing unrealistic about it was that I was singing Kelly Clarkson karaoke for a grade. Everything else—the nerves, the fumbling over words, the vulnerability of exposing my heart to an audience and the feeling that no one cares? That’s all within the scope of reality.

It doesn’t take a professional dream analyst to decipher that my dream-self’s inability to confidently sing a power anthem might be linked to real-life feelings of uncertainty and self-doubt.

Most of the time, I feel like I have my shit together and know that I’m more than capable of achieving anything I take on. But sometimes, it can feel a bit like I’m Kermit-flailing behind a microphone wondering if I’m coherent or just plain crazy.

You could say grad school has instilled a proper sense of urgency with an unfortunate side effect of second-guessing everything, including my own abilities and whether I’m on the right path. If you are, ever have been or intend to be a grad student, this article about imposter syndrome—the feeling that there must’ve been some sort of mistake when you were accepted into school and that everyone will find out you’re a fraud any day now—is a worthy read.

But these feelings are hardly limited to school anxieties. Anyone brave enough to put their work out there for people to see, read respond and react to has likely been there—it’s how they deal with the criticism, the negative thoughts and the bad dreams that makes them a success or a could’ve-been. 

That means if you’re a blogger who, like me, has poured your heart and time into a blog post and obsessively refreshed the stats and comments and worried no one gives a shit—I get it. I’ve been there. I’m still there sometimes (see above dream). But as long as you love doing it, keep doing it. And if your dreams give you any indication that something’s not right, analyze the hell out of those dreams and write a blog post/diary entry/song about it. Then get back to work. Because the only thing worse than creating something that’s a failure is failing to create.

And the next time I have to give a karaoke presentation? I’ll be prepared with a flawless rendition of “Stronger.”

 

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7 Simple Truths about Dressing with Less

Even when what we want most is change, we resist it. When we hear about an idea that sounds interesting, but uncomfortable, the most logical reaction is to turn and walk run away. At least that’s how I operate. And after all of the resistance and walking away, I always wonder what all the fuss was about after I get started.

People often approach minimalist fashion challenge Project 333 with hesitation and resistance, but after getting started, they are thrilled with the benefits of dressing with less.

April 1st is the next official start date of Project 333 challenging you to dress with 33 items for 3 months. You can start on your own or take the course for extra inspiration and instruction. I hope the following simple truths about dressing with less will help remove the resistance.

 

1. You won’t die if you wear something two days in a row.

You can wear the same pair of jeans several days in a row, or the same sweater/scarf/shirt/insert item here _________. There are exceptions, but the idea is much less horrific than you might imagine.

2. You can buy it when you get there.

Leave your just in case items behind. You don’t need to plan and pack for every scenario. Unless you are going on a trip into the wild, you can borrow or buy what you need.

3. No one cares what you are wearing.

You think way more about what you wear than anyone else. People may comment on what you wear, but usually those comments are an effort to connect with you in some way.

4. What people think of you is really none of your business.

This quote from Martha Graham always reminds me not to bother worrying about what everyone else thinks. Don’t dress to elicit a reaction or because of what you think people might think about you. It shouldn’t influence the decisions you make while getting dressed or doing anything else.

This is your closet, your heart, and your life. No one knows those things better than you.

5. Your closet is not too small.

When you begin to dress with less, you open up space in your closet, mind and heart. Instead of searching for a bigger closet, bigger home, and bigger life, you can direct your attention to the things that truly matter.

If you are unsure about what’s important to you, don’t worry. Sometimes, to discover what matters, you have to get rid of everything that doesn’t.

6. Your style is not the latest trend.

Your style probably isn’t what’s walking down runways, featured in fashion magazines or even what your friends are wearing. When you start wearing the clothing you like the most and that fits you the best, you will naturally develop a personal style that reflects your needs, your lifestyle, and your desires.

7. Dressing with less is not a sacrifice.

A challenge to dress or live with less helps you identify what enough means to you. It also dramatically shines light on the things that mean the most to you. This eye-opening process is often fun, and always enlightening and not a project in suffering.

You will get so much more than what you give up.

 

If you felt the resistance while reading this post, choose one of these simple truths as inspiration to dress with less. Join me on April 1st for a brand new season of Project 333. You don’t have part with anything permanently, but putting a little distance between you and the excess for 3 months will give you the information you need to decide what to keep and what to release.

Learn more about getting started or put an end to the resistance and begin with the Dress with Less microcourse for inspiration, support, and extra fun as you whittle down your clothing choices and create your capsule wardrobe.

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, please subscribe to Be More with Less and join me on Facebook. Check out courtneycarver.com for simple ideas for your life and business.

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Frequently Asked Questions about Simplicity and Minimalism

One thing I’ve learned from blogging is that I am never alone with any struggle, or what I perceive to be a unique situation. I receive the most thoughtful emails with feedback and often with personal questions. While the people with questions are unique and beautiful, the questions and problems are similar.

Many people never ask their questions and silently struggle or suffer instead, so I thought sharing answers to a few of the questions I receive on a regular basis might be helpful.

Our views and windows may be different, but we are more alike than we think.

 

Frequently asked questions about simplicity and minimalism (and other stuff)

Q. I am really worried about my parents. They are getting older and refuse to let go of their clutter. It’s too much for them to manage and it’s becoming very stressful for everyone in the family. How can I help them declutter?

A. It can be hard to try to help family members, especially aging parents, because they don’t want to feel like they aren’t in control of their lives. It can be frustrating for you too, because you know it may eventually be your responsibility to clean things up. The important thing now is to assess whether or not they really need your help. If you want them to get rid of their clutter only because it bothers you, step back and focus on your own stuff. Only step in if the clutter is negatively affecting their safety or physical/mental health.

Start with a gentle conversation and include other members of the family if you think that will help. Instead of focusing on the clutter, focus on the benefits of releasing it, for them and the rest of the family. If their clutter habits border on hoarding or if you observe other unhealthy behaviors that could be symptoms of a bigger issue like depression or something else, consider counseling or a professional opinion.

Gentle honesty and respecting boundaries when possible is so important. When you think about your parent’s clutter issue, identify the difference between annoying and harmful before stepping in. If you aren’t sure, ask for help.

 

Q. How do I deal with my friends who are only interested in shopping and drinking and continue to question my choice to live more simply?

A. Stick to what makes you happy and be kind when you decline to spend time doing things you don’t want to do. Try organizing an outing that better reflects what you like. In terms of what people think or say about your home, clothes or other lifestyle changes, don’t give it another minute of worry or thought. What they say or think, says more about them than it does about you.

You don’t have to explain yourself, just be happy and enjoy your life. If these are good friends that you’ve had for a long time, be honest about how their behavior is affecting you and make recommendations to move forward lifting each other up regardless of differences in lifestyle. Friendships do grow apart, but the best ones can sustain big change.

 

Q. How can I start a successful blog?

A. While starting a blog is easy, sustaining a blog and growing a business takes time and dedication. If you aren’t expecting overnight success and are willing to do the work, there are a few simple steps that will help. Visit this post for what I think are the three most important things you need to do to grow a blog you love. Here is a review of the course I wrote for beginning bloggers that may be helpful too.

 

Q. For minimalist fashion challenge Project 333, are 33 items really enough for 3 months if you live in an area with climate changes?

A. Yes. If you have a season with extreme weather changes, build in what you need to accommodate that. From October to December, Salt Lake City has temps that range from 0-90 degrees. I include 5% of clothing for the very beginning of the season for the warmer weeks and another 5% for the later in December when it’s really cold. The other clothing works for the rest of the time. For instance, I may include a hat, gloves and scarf that I won’t wear until the last month of the 3 month period.

Read more at Project 333.

 

Q. How can I simplify my life and do work I love when I don’t feel well?

A. It’s hard to do anything when you don’t feel well, but simplifying things can reduce stress and give you more time to focus on your health. While you probably put everyone else and their needs in front of your own, if you don’t take care of yourself first, you can never give your best to anyone else. We all deserve the very best version of you. Call a time out. Ask for help and do what ever it takes to feel better and be healthy.

 

Q. How can I stop feeling guilty for all the money I spent accumulating stuff and finally let things go?

A. I believe that you’ve already paid enough. You paid with money, time, space and now you are paying with energy that could be spent in better ways. I read a great quote on Pinterest that said, “Worry is a misuse of imagination.” I’d add that worry is also a misuse of time, energy and health. Ever hear the expression, “worry yourself sick”? Yep, that’s what you are doing.

Let it go.

 

Q. Where do I start if I want to become a minimalist?

A. Where you start isn’t as important as when you start. Now would be a great time. Try a simplicity challenge, read a book about living with less, or grab a box and fill it up with everything you don’t need or use and donate it. Stay inspired on your journey by reading blogs about simplicity and minimalism.

These 7 tiny steps will help too.

 

Q. How can I convince my spouse or partner that we can be happier with less?

A. If you didn’t get the memo, here is a quick refresher: You can’t change people. And, when you try, they resent you and begin to think that you love them a little less. Instead of converting and convincing, focus on your own stuff and be an example of the benefits of simplicity. If you want people in your life to know that it’s possible to be happier with less, be happy with less. Demonstrate the benefits and then give it time.

Being sweet and patient while you wait will help.

 

Q. How can I get out of debt when I can barely make ends meet?

A. Answers like, spend less than you make pissed me off when I was in debt. I wanted a plan and found it with Dave Ramsey’s baby steps and by adding a few of my own. It didn’t happen overnight, but after a few years, I became 100% debt free. It changes everything. The baby steps helped tremendously, but simplifying my life prevented me from going back into debt.

Instead of figuring out how to make ends meet, work on having a fewer ends.

Other less personal questions that I answer frequently:

• Can I advertise my brand on your site? No
• Can I advertise my client’s brand on your site? Sorry, still no.
• Why not? Because it’s my policy not to include things on the site that don’t help the people who read it. I love them.
• Can I interview you? Sure
• Will you review and promote my book/course/product? Probably not, but if it is something that I love and think people who read this blog will love, then I’ll consider it.
• What is the difference between simplicity and minimalism: very little

Thank you for trusting me with your struggles and for letting me celebrate your success stories. Asking great questions helps everyone. If you have questions that I didn’t cover here, feel free to ask in the comment section and I will be happy to answer.

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, please subscribe to Be More with Less and join me on Facebook. Check out courtneycarver.com for simple ideas for your life and business.

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What if You Didn’t Have to Worry About Yourself?

By Leo Babauta

Have you ever had people annoy you at work? Or maybe family members whose little habits bothered you? Have you been frustrated by a store clerk or waiter, or maybe another driver? What about frustration with your kid, or spouse?

How can we become more tolerant, find calm in the middle of all of these annoyances and frustrations?

For me, when I remember, the answer lies in getting outside of myself.

Nearly every moment of every day of our entire lives (more than 20 million seconds for me) is spent worrying about ourselves. We are preoccupied by concern about ourselves: am I doing the right thing, will I mess this up, will I be able to meet deadline, what do other people think of me, am I good enough, why is this happening to me, how can I get better, why don’t people listen to me, why don’t they treat me better, why can’t they get out of my way, why is my body so fat, why don’t things go my way, am I missing out on things?

But what if we were freed of this worry about ourselves?

What if, for a little while, we could assume our selves were being taken care of, comforted and protected and accepted?

What if we could stop this Thinking About Self for awhile, and do something else?

Wouldn’t this be a bit liberating? Wouldn’t it be nice to get free of this preoccupation that has taken up our entire lives?

I, for one, welcome this opportunity.

So what happens when we are freed of worrying about ourselves? We can now start looking in on other people, and finding out what they’re like, what they’re going through. It turns out, they are suffering just as much as we are. They are constantly worried about the same things, wanting to be happy but worried about themselves and wondering why this stranger (you) is always acting irritated with them.

We can see this suffering, and understand what it’s like, because we’ve just come from our own minds, where the same kinds of things have been going on for years. We can empathize.

We can also want them to suffer less, and maybe comfort them, give them compassion.

Returning to our own minds, arms full of this new information and empathy and compassion … we can maybe be more tolerant when someone doesn’t behave “perfectly” (as if we ever behave perfectly ourselves), when someone is rude or slow or loud. Maybe we can even act kindly towards them, give them a mental hug and see how we can help them.

Of course, it’s easy to return to our self-preoccupied state. I always return here, because it’s such a strongly-ingrained mental habit. But I can see this happening sometimes, and try to get out of the little space that’s my self-preoccupied mind.

Even for the briefest moment, this little bit of floating around can bring a small measure of lightness and happiness. And if you practice it repeatedly, it’s a liberation like no other.

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